Techno- Wuss

I’m intimidated by technology. The confession shames me. I have a blog, obviously, and a Facebook Professional page. I’m LinkedIN, I’ve almost mastered texting, and I used to Tweet. But, truth be told, I’m tentative about everything other than email.

I can post blogs, with a picture, without referring to the written instructions anymore. Most of the time. It took me a quite a few posts, many chewed lips, and frightened glances at the instructions before I got to this point. And that blog WordPress blithely assured me I could myself in a few easy steps? I hired a professional.

Not before I tried to do it myself. I have average intelligence. I should be able to do this, right? All I had to do, I’d been told (by masochistic computer guru types) was to choose and purchase the right template, then follow a few simple instructions. A child could do it.

If the child were a junior Davinci, perhaps, or someone more computer-abled than me. After my husband was summoned to my office by the sounds of a primal screams and my iced tea glass shattering on the floor, he suggested we hire someone. Someone who could create a website without destroying the house and my sanity. I love my husband. He has the BEST ideas.

You may begin to get a glimmer of why technology scares me. I have, with the ill-considered flick of my mouse, erased paragraphs, presentations, and even the odd hard-drive or two. Viruses flock to my technology like fleas to feral cat, despite my feverish purchases of every anti-virus protection available.

I get suggestions from friends on Face Book that I like or invite other friends. I’m a polite Southern girl,so I do, then I get nasty-grams from Face Book saying I’ve been inviting people I don’t know and implying I’m trolling for friends. I don’t even have time to keep up as well as I’d like with the friends I already have!

YouTube is doing fine without me. Since I’m in my 50’s, I decided my muscles aren’t flexible enough for Tumblr. I’m not completely sure what Instagram is. I think it involves sending lots of pictures. I’m just now learning how to take and send decent pictures with my smarter-than-me phone.

My brain is full. Would all you smart techno-people out there please stop inventing new social media and communications technology? Start working on cars that run on garbage or a cure for cancer, and give me a few years to catch up. I’d really appreciate it- in fact, I might even send you a handwritten thank-you note, through regular mail, with a stamp. You could put it in a glass case and save it for posterity.